Are you worried about a relationship?
If a relationship is making someone feel scared, pressured or controlled, it may be an abusive relationship. Relationships should make you feel safe, respected and able to be yourself. Abuse is never your fault – if you, or someone you know, thinks that may be experiencing this, then support is available.
What is teenage relationship abuse?
What is teenage relationship abuse?
Teenage relationship abuse is a pattern of harmful, abusive or controlling behaviour in a relationship. This can happen face-to-face, online, or both.
This could include:
- Trying to control who you spend time with
- Constantly monitoring or messaging you
- Demanding access to your things, such as your phone or messages
- Making threats if you were to try and leave the relationship
- Pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do, including sharing images or engaging in sexual activity
- Using guilt, manipulation or pressure to control you
What are the signs of teenage relationship abuse?
Even if some behaviours may appear normal, or perhaps are even shown as desirable by popular culture (such as being ‘relationship goals’), they may still be abusive.
Below are a list of some of the most common signs of teenage relationship abuse:
- Emotional abuse: controlling behaviour,; making you feel guilty for spending time with other people; threats of if the relationship were to end
- Controlling behaviour: Deciding who you speak to, or what you wear, isolating you from other people and constantly monitoring your whereabouts and activity
- Online abuse: threatening to post personal pictures or information; violating privacy such as reading messages or demanding passwords or access
- Controlling someone’s finances: withholding money or stopping someone going to work
- Sexual abuse: making someone do something sexual when they don’t want to, or making you feel that sex is ‘owed’
- Physical abuse: violence towards someone, such as kicking, punching, hitting
Why can it be difficult to recognise?
Many young people tell us that it is easier to spot unhealthy behaviour in someone else’s relationship than in their own.
Relationships can develop quickly and become an important part of how we feel about ourselves and our sense of belonging. This can sometimes make harmful behaviour harder to spot.
Abuse behaviour in relationships may be disguised as something else, or may also be experienced with peer pressure and wider social pressures.
You don’t have to be living with someone for a toxic relationship to develop — some young people will experience relationship abuse while living with their parents or carers. It can happen in any relationship and can continue once the relationship is over, it can happen to boys and girls. What is most important to remember is, it is never your fault.
What should I do if I’m worried?
If this is happening, you should speak to someone you trust, but only when you feel safe to do so. Send a message or call a trusted adult and let them know you're worried.
Remember, abuse is never your fault.
If you’re worried about your own behaviour in a relationship then it is important to talk to someone and get support. Learning about healthy relationships and getting help early can prevent further harm.
Everyone deserves support to build safe and respectful relationships.
Abuse helplines
- Childline: call 0800 1111, or sign up so you can online chat and send messages (9am - midnight)
- The police: if it's an emergency, call 999. If you can't speak, listen to the questions and tap or cough to answer. Press 55 to signal an emergency.
If you are worried that a young person you know is in an abusive relationship or living in a family where one adult is being abusive to another, you should reach out to them and let them know about these support lines.
I'm worried about harming someone I love
If you are worried about the way you are behaving towards your boyfriend or girlfriend or towards a family member you should also call an abuse helpline or speak to someone who can help you manage your behaviours.
