Speaking to young people about war and conflict
War and conflicts seem to dominate the news right now. It can be a confusing and anxious time for many, including young people. They are often aware of it long before adults realise. Whether it is headlines on social media, overhearing conversations at school, or watching upsetting videos shared online. Giving children an outlet to discuss how they are feeling is important. Here we outline some things you might want to consider talking about and how to approach it.
What do they know already?
What do they know already?
Not all children will give obvious signs of distress even if they are worrying about something related to conflicts in the news. This is why it is better to open the door for them to speak as early as possible to avoid something bigger further down the line. Make sure any conversation you have feels natural and avoid talking about it before bed.
Start by asking what they already know. You might be surprised at just how much they are aware of. Even if some of their takes are incorrect or overblown, make sure not to appear judgemental or condescending.
Talking about war and conflict
It is helpful to establish where they are getting their information from. A string of upsetting videos on social media, or dramatic clickbait headlines can add to their anxieties. What is essential is not to dismiss these worries, no matter how baseless they might seem. Try to be as reassuring as possible and subtly dispel any misinformation if you think it will help the situation.
“Young people are already hearing about war and conflict through social media, conversations at school and the world around them. What matters is giving them a safe space to ask questions, share how they’re feeling and know that their emotions are valid.”
Honest conversations can help children feel less overwhelmed and more supported.
— Family Support Practitioner, The Children's Society
Be vulnerable
Be vulnerable
It isn’t just children that feel daunted by war. It is okay to show your own vulnerabilities. This can help to make you more relatable and encourage a young person to feel comfortable to air their thoughts and fears. This is a two-way conversation. Your openness could make all the difference. However, try not to add to their worries. Where possible, explain the counter point or solution to any of your concerns and be clear about how you came to these conclusions.
Focus on positivity
Wars are, by their very definition, filled with tragedy and suffering. And this tends to be the focus of all coverage online and in the news. However, amongst all this there are always stories of hope and human kindness too. They can serve as a strong antidote when young people are feeling overwhelmed. Find stories of those responding to the peace effort. There may be causes online that you can support to help those effected. These altruistic acts can remove some of the feelings powerlessness and futility. The sense of doing something, no matter how small, can often bring great comfort.
Keep the conversation going
Keep the conversation going
Having the initial conversation is only the beginning. The chances are the conflict will continue and with that, so should the open dialogue. Try to check in as consistently as possible. How are they feeling? Are there any other questions that have arisen since the previous conversation? If you notice they seem overly concerned don’t be afraid to ask if there is anything on their mind.
Sometimes talking about it isn’t the right approach. If you sense that the young person doesn’t want to, you could consider a distraction. This could be playing a boardgame or going for a walk in the park.
Practice what you preach
Above all, look after yourself. Children have great intuition and will be able to pick up on your response to the news. Focus on being as open as you feel comfortable. You’ll be able to help your children better if you’re coping, too. Even if you are struggling, as long as you are calm and calculated in the way you approach any conversation, it is okay to be honest.
Author: Edward Herbert