Posted: 04 December 2016

What was Boaz before he met Ruth?

It's been almost 10 years since the last episode of Vicar of Dibley but it seems the cultural memory of most people is pretty long. For me, a day doesn't go by without a comparison. I honestly thought it was just because I'm short, round and a vicar but my skinny, tall fellow women priests tell me they get compared too. Perhaps it's just being a woman with a dog collar and Geraldine being the only point of reference that makes it inevitable. There are worse people to be held up against though; Dawn French’s character is sassy, smart and funny.

I particularly like her funny streak, although all things being relative you don't need to be very funny to be a funny priest; I consider myself to be funny (yes, in both senses of the word). The bit of Dibley that lots of people remember fondly is the joke at the end. Alice and Geraldine sat in a darkened vestry with mugs of tea sharing a joke. Well I say ‘sharing’ course Alice was often the last one to get it. Puns from the pulpit and funnies by the font are not always that, well, funny. I have one colleague who insists on starting every sermon with a silly story, sometimes his congregation confess it's all they can actually remember. 

So with that in mind here's my attempt at a little divine comedy and some holy howlers, be warned most of them are instantly forgettable, the rest just regrettable (but they are all repeatable in public!).

What was Boaz before he met Ruth?


A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, ‘And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?’

One little girl replied, ‘Because people are sleeping.’

How do you know atoms are Catholic?

Because they have Mass.

How does Moses make his tea?

Hebrews it.

If all the people that fall asleep in church every Sunday were laid end to end, they'd all be a lot more comfortable.

Why do Christians eat so much ice cream?

Because they love to go to sundae school.

What did one giraffe say to the other giraffe when it started to rain?

Don't worry I Noah guy.

What do you call church ministers from Germany?

German shepherds.

Share one of Kate’s jokes with a friend

Well-being and mental health

The science of laughter – though still preliminary – suggests that it has tremendous benefits for our health and psychological well-being.’

By Kate Bottley

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